Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
