OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
