Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
