porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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