i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
