FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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