Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
