i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
