You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
