He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
