Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
