Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
