Define "chronic" masturbator.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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