you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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