end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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