he shaved USA in his pubs
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
