I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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