I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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