Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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