so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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