Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
