Your face is a jimmy john
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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