I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
