Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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