I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
