your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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