forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
