Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
