So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
