Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no, he came in my armpit
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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