had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
