She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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