And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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