He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
