guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
