We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
