I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's like iHOP with fire
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
