he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
