i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
