So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
