So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
