how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
