i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
