Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
