Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
