Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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