i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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