I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
