i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
