Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
MIDGETS
????
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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