if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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