My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
