Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I touched a dick in church today
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
