what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
