the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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