just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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